Some Things to Lean Into, Things to Avoid

The Wild Gentleman Guidelines and Philosophy

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

This was going to be part of the Introduction to The Wild Gentleman, but I ended up writing more than what made sense to be included in that post.

The goal here is to outline some of the rules of the road.

There will be some challenging topics that The Wild Gentleman leans into, and by that, I mean exploring with courage. There are some hard ideas that would be easier to avoid, but pushing through what War of Art author Steven Pressfield calls "the Resistance" should lead to enlightened thinking and conversation. The very fact that this work feels scary and important is proof that it's necessary.

But not all ideas are worth embracing. There are a few things The Wild Gentleman will strive to avoid. Things that tear down rather than build up. This too requires some fortitude.

This document will also be ever-changing. Nothing is set in stone. If I learn something new or different, or change my mind on something, I will add an update here.

As a reference point, I will be trying to filter all these points through the foundational components The Wild Gentleman is built upon: Love, Adventure, Wisdom, and Community. Sometimes it will work, and sometimes it won't. We'll work hard to fix the mistakes.

Leaning into an Exploration of Masculinity

Words have a lot of power. In particular, “masculinity” is something that is defined in a myriad of ways. I will explore this term and idea further in a future post, “On Masculinity.”

I also want to acknowledge that writing about masculinity could be controversial. But I'm going to choose to attempt this hard thing.

For some idea of the conversation already happening, one figure who is exploring this topic more and more is Scott Galloway. Check out some of his thinking here: "A Few(er) Good Men" or "Boys to Men," if you are interested.

For now, I’ll just give a quick thought on what masculinity means to me at this moment.

To me, it is being a good man, living with integrity, and understanding and accepting both flaws and strengths. It is striving to lean into the good, aiming to avoid the bad.

Community Guidelines

As much as possible, I also want to avoid criticizing others here.

One thing I know about myself is that, historically, I can be very critical of others. But, as I’ve grown older, I've gained the wisdom to realize there are no benefits in pointing out the negative aspects of others.

In writing about men and engaging with literature with a focus on what it means to be a good man, it is incredibly challenging at the moment to avoid pointing out the misguided thinking that seems to be flooding the zone. The phrase “toxic masculinity” is thrown around a lot these days.

If possible, I want to build a counterweight to whatever that is, and I’m going to try like hell to avoid that bottomless pit of negativity and shame.

Building is the goal, not tearing down. Anyway, most folks can see the houses built on shoddy foundations, so I don’t need to point them out. They will eventually collapse.

We need to treat each other with love here, with the courage to be vulnerable enough to connect meaningfully with others. This is especially true of challenging conversations.

On Judgment

There can also be a lot of judgment put on people’s flaws and mistakes. This will be something The Wild Gentleman leans into in future blogs as a vein for rich exploration.

No one is perfect. I certainly am not, and those who know me well know of my many missteps, misadventures, and mistakes. Some individuals I might focus on here and there may not be perfect in the eyes of all observers. But, when I do dig into characters possessing less than appealing dark sides, I’ll try to focus on people who have not tried to hide their flaws and leaned into their mea culpas. I'll also try to paint with a brush that takes in some historical context.

For a good example of someone who does this well, and an approach I’d like to emulate here, see Andrew Hickey and his A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs.

We are all flawed. It's what makes us human. Finding success after failure or having a flawed character is what makes the good that people ultimately do so remarkable. (There are many instances of this in the books The Wild Gentleman explores. Anyway, even Ben Franklin wasn’t a paragon of virtuousness.)

Who is This For?

Lastly, I would like to acknowledge that this project primarily focuses on men.

I am the dad of two amazing girls who are growing into awesome young women. My wife is an incredible woman in many ways and has been my muse ever since the day I met her. I was lucky to have been the oldest brother to three younger sisters. 

But The Wild Gentleman isn’t built for them, which is OK. 

That isn't meant to put up any barriers. There are some universal ideas that anyone can engage with, and those will be shared. Women, femininity, and relationships will be examined—love is multifaceted and vital to making a positive impact on the world as a good man. But I will avoid doing that work from the position of an expert in those areas.

I would love it if anyone—young or old, man or woman—would reach out and share their thoughts on where I get something wrong.

To all the women out there coming to this project, welcome! Hang out and look around. But, to be clear, this is a place aiming at the hearts and minds of men.